


Red

by TheKnightsWhoSayBook



Category: The Song of the Lioness - Tamora Pierce
Genre: Angst, Gen, because i don't think we got to see alanna's first night in the castle, page
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 08:38:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6559639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheKnightsWhoSayBook/pseuds/TheKnightsWhoSayBook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I don't know what I was going for so don't expect it to mean anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Red

The first night in Corus was unbearable. Alanna twisted her blankets and buried her face in her pillow and came close to tears again and again. The clock ticked by with the rise and fall of the crescent moon overhead and her almost-dreams cycled through her mind's eye in a watery, unreal way.

Thom, because it had been just days and she already missed him.

Coram, because he was the closest part of home she had.

Herself, dressed as a boy with her hair cut short, because this was the plan she needed to remember.

Alan, Alan, Alan. What if she forgot? What if someone called this unreal name and she didn't answer?

Worse, what if she didn't forget and it wasn't enough? What did it take to be a boy? Surely, something more than cutting her hair and saying, Alan, that's my name, I'm here to be a page and I'm going to be a knight.

Years and years this had to work. One slip up and it was gone. Could she handle it?

If she couldn't handle it did she even deserve to be a knight? She tried to think about it as a test but that was worse. So many tests between this sleepless night and the night when she'd receive her shield. If she ever received it at all.

She would have to pass all those tests. Everyday for years, because every moment would be a test.

It hurt. Being alone and unsure and scared.

But if she was tricky enough and pulled this off, then she could be a knight, and she wouldn't have to be alone or unsure or scared again. She tried to remember the fierce joy she'd felt telling Thom her plan, the lightness of looking into the mirror and seeing her short hair. The heaviness of her page's tunic over her shoulders, redder than her hair.

Red. That was good. Red was a brave color. Red would help, a little. She squeezed her eyes shut and filled her mind with every shade of red she could imagine. Scarlet, crimson, wine, and sleep crept closer little by little as the moon gave way to bloody sunrise.

There were years between her first night as a page and her first day as a knight. Alanna slept.


End file.
